Nothing to go between Us
by Ciara-Dragon
Summary: As they're returning from a battlefield, thoughts run through Ikkaku's mind. STRANGE thoughts. Ikkaku x Yumichika
1. Chapter 1

"Thinking about something like that now...you should be ashamed of yourself, Ikkaku..."

Maybe he was, but it didn't stop him. No, it only encouraged him to remember more. Maybe it was because the situation now had something in common with the one from the past.

--

_It was winter. A cold winter's night, you could say, if there was any part of you that liked such romantic ways to put words after another. Such didn't interest him. Actually, he couldn't care less. It's the same whatever way you put it: Madarame Ikkaku just isn't the romantic type._

_To be honest, all the situation had in common with "cold winter's night" was winter. It was actually a morning, a very chipper and shiny early morning. It was cold, but not so cold it's worth mentioning since it was winter. What did you expect from the coldest time of the year? It was actually more like warm to be a winter morning._

_There, surrounded loads of new snow that had fallen during the night, was a house. You could only see the roof and half an upper story windows. It wasn't a big house. No. It was the sort of house you'd only call a house if you had lived you life in a shallow shack with pigs and horses. But let's call it house, because the people inside called it a house at that time._

"_I'm not letting you out in that shape", an unsuprising verification had come out of lips that were part of an androgynous face. Androgynous indeed. Why did a man have a face like that? And why did that man like to act so female? It really bugged his partner...a friend... or whatever._

"_What? You're saying YOU are going take care of snow clearing, huh?" there's no way he would've accepted such a claim as a truth. No way._

"_Who said that?"_

"_Huh? It has to be taken care of, idiot."_

"_No, it doesn't. We don't need to go out any time soon. We've got anough food and wood for the entire winter. And books to read if you get bored..."_

"_You can't keep me inside forever."_

"_Oh, yes I can."_

"_It's about these stupid wounds isn't it? I've seen worse a million times..."_

"_Yeah, seen them. But you haven't had a one. Fighting someone of that caliber isn't like playing with butterflies."_

_Ikkaku didn't answer with word, but he stared right into the eyes of his...partner/friend. Let's say a friend, tho' both words were as close to the truth back then. And are still. Yumichika's eyes were shady blue, something you could look and not be able to name even after gazing back again and again. Even Ikkaku, who had seen those eyes so many times before, felt his thoughts halt because they could not name what they saw. They were bautiful eyes. Sad, maybe, but no too sad._

"_You're not gonna let me out", he repeated, trying to get some threat to his voice. He apparently didn't succeed, as the androgyn just laughed lightly._

"_No. But don't you worry. I'm gonna make up some ways for you get exercise", was the answer. The bald man frowned:_

"_Well that sounded even more perverted than usually", Ikkaku's answer brought an even bigger smile to his friend's face._

"_You think so...?"_

_And things went as they both known they would. Ikkaku's was hurt that badly he couldn't get off bed anyway, and Yumichika had been accompaning him in every way. Neither of them thought of it as wierd after having lived together in shallow shack surrounded by snow for an entire two months._

_And that's when they really got used to each other's smell, feel and taste. Things had happened between them before, too, of course...but never this scale._

--

Ikkaku jumped over a rock that had appeard before him. The light body he was carrying on his back hopped a littlle too, but his grip around the thighs was tight and there was no danger for the one being carried.

The one being carried was – of course – Ayasegawa Yumichika.

The way this situation reminded the one the bald man had reminded his friend of were simple. First, injuries. They were both injured. This time Yumichika just was the one hurt worse. And they were free to got out, had been out all the time. ALL the time. You could say they missed the indoor air.

"Ikkaku...?"

"I'm okay. Just fell to the memory..." he answered quickly. There was no reason for him to bother Yumichika with his other thoughts. Because of course there were other thoughts. About the conditon of his friend. Oh yes, Ikkaku Madarame was worried.

It took ages to reach Fourt Company stalls, but after that they quickly got attention.

Yumichika was taken from him no matter how he tried to keep his grip from his hand. Right after he disappeared behind the corner carried by four men lead by a woman, Ikkaku fell on his knees, frustrated. Why wasn't he allowed to stay by Yumichika's side? Yumichika had always done that to him, why couldn't he do it!?

The guy that had cut the tendons from his legs stood quietly by as the 11th Company Third Seat shouted curses and words of hatred on him, making his own not-so-fatal injuries bleed worse. Then the man just steadily told him he would carry Madarame-san to an own room now so Madarame-san's injuries could be looked at.

Curse it!

A spell was cast on him from behind. He cursed once more before falling to the floor.

"Isane—I want to stay with Yumichi--" his words didn't come out coplete before he fell to a sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

**2.**

It wasn't that bad after all. The fourth company were specialists. After all.

But he was worried. So very, very worried. About his friend.

Yumichika was his friend, wasn't he?

Of course, what else could he possibly be?

What indeed...

His head was aching so much he couldn't even sit up. He knew that this was it. The time for him to think. Think hard. For once.

Ikkaku wasn't the emotional type. He wasn't the thinking type. All he was is a fierce fighter who knew things about his zanpaku-tô he really shouldn't know, in his lower level. Lower, yes. Third seat = low. But he didn't ever even imagine beating those above him. Yachiru or Kenpachi.

Yumichika had different reasons. He was the fifth seat because he liked how number five was written. Foolish. Ikkaku had to sigh so deep the headache went worse for a second. Youch. Won't sigh again.

Ayasegawa was his friend for his own reasons, little did Ikkaku Madarame know about those. No matter how strong, cold, hardboiled he grew, that androgyn was always accompanying him with his who-knows-what abilities. Yumichika was a strange fellow, that much was for sure. He went crazy when fighting, just as any man of 11th company and then he would join the laughing group right after fixing his hair and makeup. Ikkaku had never seen him do makeup, but he sure knew this man used that. Well, Ikkaku did, too. A bit. A bit of red 'round the eyes. Not much. It was only for the fiercer look. Yes.

But the truth was that they had been together for ages. No normal people - or shinigami - do that without any clear reasons. Did they have some? Nope. They just...sticked together, helped each other when in trouble and worried about one another when unable to say for sure if the other one was to survive or not.

Worry. That was the strangest thing. Ikkaku felt it now, too.

He tried to get up but had to give in soon, seeing stars and moons. No getting up today, either, huh?

_________________________________________________________________

What was actually happening was the bald man falling asleep while thinking about his life, intertwined with Yumichika's, sleeping over and then continuing the thought when waking up. Actually he shouldn't have woken up at all, the medication should've taken care of that, but he did anyway.

He also started feeling strange. Like he didn't have something that he needed for surviving.

_________________________________________________________________

In the middle of the night two days after coming there he realized it was Ayasegawa he needed. HE was the missing part. Ikkaku tried to get angry over it but found it impossible. He just couldn't get mad at the androgyn, no matter what. Which should've already pissed him off but didn't.

He was feeling down and bored and yet couldn't get up before the health maniacs would let him off medication! Frustrating as hell!

And then one day he realized he had been awake the whole time the sun had been rising behind the window. The realization made him feel stronger and he thought that maybe he could get moving now.

_________________________________________________________________

"Ikkaku-san, you have a permission from Unohana-taichou to move around."  
"I know I can move around without her telling me. What I wanna know is where Yumichika is!" Ikkaku growled at the small boy. Hanatarô Yamada let out a small yelp – he was not the sort who could withstand the anger of such a strong and scary man as Ikkaku Madarame.

And so, the baldy strolled off and away from anyone who tried to calm him down or--- just about anything.

He needed to see Ayasegawa that he was sure of and clearly knew. But what of the jittery man himself? Was HE in the need of seeing Ikkaku? That was really what made his steps slowly calm and become those of a man walking rather than a man running.

What would Yumichika say if anything? And would Ikkaku be able to say anything about this realization?


	3. Chapter 3

3.

He was a bit furious when finally stepping in the room that had read his name. Furious, because he had found himself nervous. Nervous, Ikkaku Madarame, _nervous?_ Just how many suns are gonna fall before this rehabilitation period or what-ever is finished?

That _he_ whose name had read there was of course Ayasegawa Yumichika. It was funny how many times you could repeat a name in one minute.

He saw the bundle in the bed, covered with actually_ two_ blankets. A tuft of dark hair spread on the huge pillow.

"Don't come Ikkaku. I look bad…" a silent voice resounded from the direction of the hair. Ikkaku almost lost his grip of Hôzukimaru. Yumichika was fine. He was okay. He was himself. Worrying about his looks was an everyday duty for the stupid shinigami. Gods knew, he truly was stupid.

"Like I care, people look like drag when they've been nearly dead", he grumbled with a low voice and marched to his friend's bedside.

"But Ikkaku…I am the beauty of the world, I can't look like a drag, Ikkaku…"

"Why're 'ya saying my name so much? Shut your wiggling mouth idiot, start getting better already. I don't wanna sit here the whole day."

The bald man raised his eyebrows a bit when he thought he heard _giggling_ from under the blanket.

"I can't…" more giggling, "I can't just…" and more, "I can't shut up…" then the giggling turned into a storm of laughter. He could hear the flinch of pain from it, Yumichika wasn't yet fully recovered, but he couldn't help smiling a little bit internally. His pretty-boy friend had the most beautiful of laughters. It wasn't really that ladylike, like the giggling or many others of his ways of acting, but it was a melodic laughter of a man.

_Is it really that great a sin to love someone of the same sex? Aren't all human one of a kind?_

He was hit hard by that thought. Never had even considered giving in to the thought of sin. He was Japanese, there was no sin…

But. Whatever the place you come from, people have…disliked homosexuals. …Ohh greaaat, now he was plunging into thoughts about the big unfair world. What the hell? Sure he had been thinking more than ever in these past few days _but_ _still. What the heck?_

"Oi, shut up already, Ayasegawa", he had to rumble when he started seeing a blood stain the pillow the other had been laughing against. The laughter did stop, abruptly. Ikkaku tensed. So Yumichika had noticed. Well, of course he had, he was the brains of their duo, but still…he was sick and all…

_I'm a mess. Damn, I wanna get rid of this messiness._

"Don't…don't call me by my last name…" were the expected words. The man in the bed actually raised his covers and Ikkaku got a view on what Yumichika had been worried about a while earlier: he really didn't look too good. Pale and nauseous, that's what the baldie could tell from looking at his friend's familiar face.

"Yeah, I won't", Ikkaku answered, surprisingly softly, "I know that already. We have a straight target strategy with names, hm? But that way, I got you to be quiet down. It didn't sound that funny anymore."

Ikkaku flinched at the look the other gave him. Suddenly the mouth was hanging open and the eyes were wide on that pretty (but sickly) face.

It took Ikkaku Madarame a long, long while, more than a minute, to figure out what had struck Yumichika Ayasegawa into such utter surprise: he had just showed signs of consideration for others and quite a brainstorm had to be behind having had an actual tactic at doing this. Woah.

"…I'm just a little…"

"…confused? I understand, Ikkaku. I really do", suddenly the androgyn just changed expression and mood again, now he had plastered this soft and happy smile on his face. Ikkaku just blinked. What? What did that man understand now?

After a few weeks of…thinking and pondering, random speaking with Yumichika when visiting him in the Fourth Company stalls and missing the usual battles, Ikkaku finally gets the awaited word: his partner is out of Fourth Company.

He doesn't show it, really, deciding to take time off instead of chasing to go find Yumichika. So he takes the lotus position and dives into his and his zanpaku-tô's world…

…Only to be kicked back out by Hôzukimaru, to see Yumichika's face a little too close. He growled low and the other blinked and grinned.

"Why didn't you come get me from the gates? I waited you know…" he started.

"Hmph. No you didn't. You just went straight to Matsumoto for your latest order of perfume."

"Aw, how did you know that?"  
"It's fucking Number Five. I can fucking smell it!"

"You recognize it? Wow, Ikkaku, you're full of surprises…"

"…No. Matsumoto just force-taught it to me yesterday."

Yumichika started giggling again. Ikkaku sighed. He had made the other laugh so much during these few weeks… He set his katana down next to the Fifth Seat's and cleared his throat. It took a while until he got the quietness he had wanted.

"You gotta tell me now, Yumichika. What was it you understood back then?"

He knew the other immediately knew what he was talking about. The androgyn gave him a smile.

"You still haven't been able to think it through? Aww… But yes, I shall tell you my friend: I understand your heart was – is still – quite confused… I know what you feel for me already. No need trying to bend it to words…that doesn't even suit you. Action's your thing, _ne_?"

For a minute, the Third Seat of 11th Company just stared at the lower Seat before him, bewildered. Then the look turned into one of appreciation and – as only Yumichika could tell – of love.

From then on, they did share a few kisses, even slept together a few times, but most of the time they did none of that. Most of the time, they went on like they always had, only sharing the feelings they had in private, with just the two of them. Fighting was something they both liked a lot, after all.

They didn't need any more than the knowledge and those few moments amidst their busy life to prove it.

They loved in secret because it fit them the best. And that way…nothing could ever get between them.


End file.
